a call to die.

apathy.
indifference.
lukewarm-ness.

All of these words are disgusting to me, primarily because I've been feeling like they could be used to describe my life, specifically my spiritual life. Now, don't get me wrong, nothing has changed in what my heart believes. I know without a doubt that Christ loves me, and died on the cross so that I can live. I know that. The problem is that I've been subdued. I've been letting the banalities of life get in the way and blind me from the passionate, radical truth of what I believe!

CHRIST DIED FOR MY SINS. HE LOVES ME!! HE WANTS ME TO LIVE FOR HIM!

Those are statements I've heard and thought so many times that I think they've lost some of their shock value. Those are radical words!

Last night at church I was challenged. I've been feeling guilt about my lukewarm-ness for a while, but haven't exactly taken much action to heat things up. I've been praying for passion, praying for God to wake me up and get me going, but last night I realized that God has already given me the tools to do just that. The ball is in my court.

What I've been struggling with, simply put, is obedience.

At church we went through the entire sermon on the mount, or as Pastor John Mark calls it "the talk on the hill". :) He made a great point. Jesus's teachings are not that hard to understand. But, they ARE hard to follow. I mean come on, Matthew 5.48!

"But you are to be perfect, even as your Father in heaven is perfect."

Perfect? Jesus, you created me. You've been with me and watching me for the past 23 years...you should know. I am not perfect! The project has failed before it even got off the ground on that one. However, that is precisely what Jesus is asking of us.

Well, I know I am a long way from perfection, but hearing the words of Jesus last night really challenged and inspired me to action. God has given me his word, and he wants me in it. He wants me to be meditating on it and soaking it up every single day. That is one small step to action that I have not been doing. I'd like to start. As I was thinking today about how I can begin my new course of obedience, I was reminded of a book I own but have never fully read, called "A Call to Die" by David Nasser. It is a 40 day call to prayer, fasting, and feasting on God's word. I dug it out of the book shelf today, and after reading the introduction once again, I realized it is the perfect tool for me to use to start changing my mindset and lose the apathy I've been plagued with! During communion last night I made a covenant with Jesus to change. That word stayed with me, covenant. A solemn promise. I've made many of those in my life that I have not kept. This time is different. I am giving my will to Him. For 40 days I will not watch any television shows. I will instead spend at least one hour each day in the word, using Nasser's book to guide me. (It is set up in day to day increments.) There are journal spaces, and I noticed that the last two times I tried to do this 40 day thing, i made it only to day 5 according to the abrupt stop of all journal entries past that....that is not a good track record. I know I have a problem with sticking to things (diets, exercise, cleaning, etc) . This is nothing new. That just makes this covenant all the more challenging! With God's help (and my husband's, too!) I can and will do this. I'm praying it will inspire a new passion for obedience and a thirst for God's word.

I know it won't be easy. But it will be good. Bring it on!!